[originally published on Facebook February 4 and 6, 2020]

I Get By (and Thrive) with a Little Help from my Friends

I have a request of my friends:

If you see something, say something.

I know that’s supposed to help us spot terrorists in an airport. But I’d like you to help me spot the terrorists in my soul, lurking and plotting to blow up my relationships with myself and others

I’ve had a couple of profound experiences of self-awareness this week prompted by the compassionately honest comments of good friends.

Most recently, a friend sent me this message — “Rachel, the way you phrased that last message makes me want to remind you that no you don’t need to go it alone! We got you in this life!!” She brought to my conscious awareness how much I try to convince myself and other people that I’m fine alone. That I am Superwoman and I don’t need anyone. “No, no don’t worry about me, don’t go out of your way, don’t take care of me, because I’m JUST FINE.” Sometimes I am just fine alone. but sometimes I really do need people, and I can’t admit it, to myself or others.

Some other friends recently guided me, gently but firmly, to another important realization: I take on too much responsibility for other people’s emotions.

I was angry at them. (You’re BOTH WRONG. Apparently, I’m the only one who knows what they’re talking about. Oh, and SHUT THE FUCK UP.) But the vehemence of my reaction, and my respect for them as thinkers and feelers, made me take a deep breath and step into the abyss of my imperfections. And I’m so grateful.

. .

Now, don’t go crazy. I don’t know that I can take all 1000+ FB friends giving me their 2 cents on me

But also don’t be afraid if there’s something important that I seem to be missing. I’ll take in what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.

Much gratitude for helping me grow, my friends. You know who you are.

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